Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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