After last night, I could never be a politician.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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