i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
