I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Sorry about my life...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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