i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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