There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
