i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
