Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
