I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
