Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
