got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
