I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
