After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Betty ford says i'm here all night
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
