I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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