Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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