maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
