You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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