last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
