Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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