u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
