he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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