i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
