fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
