I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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