She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
