and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
