he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
