I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
