dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
