i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
