My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
