In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
