Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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