Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You were trust falling into bushes
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
