well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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