I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
