Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
