im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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