So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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