So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
