I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
