I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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