I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
