My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
