Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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