I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
