come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
