I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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