my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
