I've blown a few things in my day
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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