Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You can't motorboat a personality
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
