Dude my mom stole all your condoms
she smelled like a LAN party
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
