Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Randomize
