just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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